Originally published in The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, August 20, 2005.
I have just returned from giving a workshop at a Catholic retreat center in Houston.
The theme of the workshop was "The Midlife Invitation" --- how to live the middle years of our lives in a way that will lead to more peace, joy and freedom.
There were 40 women there, mostly married, wives and mothers, drawn by a desire to explore new ways of being in the second half of life. As one woman put it, "I feel like I've spent the first half of my life giving birth to others. Now it's time to give birth to myself."
Around them, circumstances are changing --- kids leaving home, parents aging and dying, marriages in flux; within them there is a mounting desire to know the people they have lived with all their lives before it's too late.
Ours is indeed a fortunate generation. A hundred years ago a person was lucky to live past 50. Had I lived then, I would be dead by now. Instead, I have had a full life so far, with the prospect of 20 to 30 more years to come.
And so the question arises: How to live the second half of life in a way that is as rewarding as the first, a way that allows us to continue to open --- to our selves, to our God, to one another --- so that we may receive the promise of Christ in all its fullness: "I have come that you may have life, and have it abundantly."
A search for answers leads us to the work of Carl Jung, a Swiss psychoanalyst whose insights on the midlife passage formed the foundation for books like Gail Sheehy's "Passages."
After years of working with people, observing which ones flourished and which ones declined as they aged, he made a startling proclamation: "We cannot live the afternoon of life according to the program of life's morning, for what was true in the morning will by evening have become a lie." A rich later life requires a shift in priorities at midlife, a gentle turning toward greater "interiority."
In the first half of life, says Jung, we are busy establishing ourselves in the outer world --- going through school, getting a job, raising a family, building a career. And that is as it should be. But as we move through our 40s and 50s and into our 60s, the things that once motivated us don't hold the same attraction --- advancing and achieving, making an impression, getting invited. We may keep doing them because we don't know what else to do, but the chewing gum has begun to lose its flavor. And on some level, we know it.
This is a good, if uncomfortable place to be, says Jung. It marks a summons from the deeper self within to pay more attention to what's going on inside. The dis-ease is there to help move us to a place of inquiry: How do I like the way I am living? Do I want to continue to live this way? If not, what now? Where is God calling me to at this point in my life?
It is during this time that people feel the urge to experiment with new ways of being. A man whose work has been the center of his life may choose to slow the pace, take a yoga class, spend more time gardening or with his grandchildren. A woman whose life has been centered around her home and family may insist on allocating money in the family budget for her to go back to school to pursue a passion deferred.
There is a growing hunger among people in the second half of life for soul food. Courses in creative writing, watercolor painting, acting, pottery are peppered with people in midlife expressing themselves in new creative ways. Some even find the bravery now to look into their own interior world, with the help of a therapist, to uncover wounds in need of healing, losses that need to be grieved, forgotten dreams stored in an inner closet.
Once they have embraced the challenge and embarked on the journey in earnest, they find themselves making fresh choices in every area of their lives, from what they eat to where they live to how they pray. They begin renegotiating their relationships, finding friends who can support them, seeking counseling for their marriages. Accommodating others gives way to becoming true to who they are --- a unique and precious image of the God in whose image we were made.
When we are tempted to accuse ourselves of being selfish for spending all this time and money on ourselves, it's important to remember the words of Irenaeus, a father of the church: "The glory of God is the human person fully alive." And Teresa of Avila, a doctor of the church, who tells us that there is no more important task in life than the work of self-realization.
For as we become more fully, deeply and freely our true selves, we reflect more brightly God's light in the world.
Midlife is a rocky time, to be sure, but it is also a time rich with possibilities. And so we summon our courage, surround ourselves with good friends and wise guides, make prayer a vital part of our daily practice, and move forward in faith, traveling more and more in the company of the One who made us and loves us and calls us home to our self.
I have just returned from giving a workshop at a Catholic retreat center in Houston.
The theme of the workshop was "The Midlife Invitation" --- how to live the middle years of our lives in a way that will lead to more peace, joy and freedom.
There were 40 women there, mostly married, wives and mothers, drawn by a desire to explore new ways of being in the second half of life. As one woman put it, "I feel like I've spent the first half of my life giving birth to others. Now it's time to give birth to myself."
Around them, circumstances are changing --- kids leaving home, parents aging and dying, marriages in flux; within them there is a mounting desire to know the people they have lived with all their lives before it's too late.
Ours is indeed a fortunate generation. A hundred years ago a person was lucky to live past 50. Had I lived then, I would be dead by now. Instead, I have had a full life so far, with the prospect of 20 to 30 more years to come.
And so the question arises: How to live the second half of life in a way that is as rewarding as the first, a way that allows us to continue to open --- to our selves, to our God, to one another --- so that we may receive the promise of Christ in all its fullness: "I have come that you may have life, and have it abundantly."
A search for answers leads us to the work of Carl Jung, a Swiss psychoanalyst whose insights on the midlife passage formed the foundation for books like Gail Sheehy's "Passages."
After years of working with people, observing which ones flourished and which ones declined as they aged, he made a startling proclamation: "We cannot live the afternoon of life according to the program of life's morning, for what was true in the morning will by evening have become a lie." A rich later life requires a shift in priorities at midlife, a gentle turning toward greater "interiority."
In the first half of life, says Jung, we are busy establishing ourselves in the outer world --- going through school, getting a job, raising a family, building a career. And that is as it should be. But as we move through our 40s and 50s and into our 60s, the things that once motivated us don't hold the same attraction --- advancing and achieving, making an impression, getting invited. We may keep doing them because we don't know what else to do, but the chewing gum has begun to lose its flavor. And on some level, we know it.
This is a good, if uncomfortable place to be, says Jung. It marks a summons from the deeper self within to pay more attention to what's going on inside. The dis-ease is there to help move us to a place of inquiry: How do I like the way I am living? Do I want to continue to live this way? If not, what now? Where is God calling me to at this point in my life?
It is during this time that people feel the urge to experiment with new ways of being. A man whose work has been the center of his life may choose to slow the pace, take a yoga class, spend more time gardening or with his grandchildren. A woman whose life has been centered around her home and family may insist on allocating money in the family budget for her to go back to school to pursue a passion deferred.
There is a growing hunger among people in the second half of life for soul food. Courses in creative writing, watercolor painting, acting, pottery are peppered with people in midlife expressing themselves in new creative ways. Some even find the bravery now to look into their own interior world, with the help of a therapist, to uncover wounds in need of healing, losses that need to be grieved, forgotten dreams stored in an inner closet.
Once they have embraced the challenge and embarked on the journey in earnest, they find themselves making fresh choices in every area of their lives, from what they eat to where they live to how they pray. They begin renegotiating their relationships, finding friends who can support them, seeking counseling for their marriages. Accommodating others gives way to becoming true to who they are --- a unique and precious image of the God in whose image we were made.
When we are tempted to accuse ourselves of being selfish for spending all this time and money on ourselves, it's important to remember the words of Irenaeus, a father of the church: "The glory of God is the human person fully alive." And Teresa of Avila, a doctor of the church, who tells us that there is no more important task in life than the work of self-realization.
For as we become more fully, deeply and freely our true selves, we reflect more brightly God's light in the world.
Midlife is a rocky time, to be sure, but it is also a time rich with possibilities. And so we summon our courage, surround ourselves with good friends and wise guides, make prayer a vital part of our daily practice, and move forward in faith, traveling more and more in the company of the One who made us and loves us and calls us home to our self.